Top 10. Bottom 5. Movies of 2018

TOP 10

10. Annihilation: An imperfect movie that almost hung itself in the final act, it earns this spot with sheer artistic brilliance and one of the most harrowing scenes ever put to film.

9. Halloween: Michael Meyers is back. He’s not lame. His mask is cool. And Jamie Lee Curtis lends weight to this joy for genre fans.

8. Deadpool 2: I didn’t much care for the first film. At this point, if I have to see another origin film, I’m going to decapitate myself with a broken VHS tape. This one, however, was a joy. Pure humor. Pure absurdity. And Josh Brolin being cool as hell.

7. Game Night: Comedy that’s actually funny. What a novel concept. From clever sight gags to fun little set pieces, this was the first comedy flick I’ve truly enjoyed in quite some time. That alone merits inclusion. Sit back, turn your mind off, and enjoy a stupid good time.

6. Bad Times at the El Royale: Discount Tarantino is still partially Tarantino, and the king of ripping off filmmakers can’t possibly hold that against this gem. Hemsworth is an alarming presence with a Manson vibe and Jeff Bridges easily carries a thoroughly entertaining and well-written thriller.

5. A Quiet Place: In time, this might fall further down the list. A masterclass in tension and small cast acting, that tension doesn’t quite last for at-home viewings but I’ve never taken fewer breaths in a theater than when I kicked back for this one. Oddly enough, Jim Halpert knows what he’s doing. Who would’ve thought?

4. Mission Impossible: Fallout: It has Tom Cruise and some of the best action set pieces you’ll see...anywhere. They unfold one by one and each time you’ll sit back and marvel, thinking “Wow. That’s a great sequence on which to anchor a film.” And then they’ll hit you with the next one. And the next one. And the one after that. No one is doing action better than the MI franchise.

3. Hereditary: I’ve been watching horror steadily for almost 20 years now. In all that time, I’ve never once thought to myself “This is amazing. This is so well-crafted. I think I should leave.” An unbearable exercise in tension that never lets up, it doesn’t make complete sense but it doesn’t have to. Rest assured, you’ll never look at attic doors the same way again.

2. Thoroughbreds: No one is talking about this film. No one. And that is a f**king crime. Clever dialogue and pitch black comedy line the pages of this story about a sociopath and her trust fund acquaintance as they try to find a way to kill the latter’s stepfather. It’s weird, it’s off-putting, and it’s an absolute gem.

  1. Paddington 2: An absolute triumph in tone, there isn’t a wasted joke or visual in this entire film. Sly British humor and brilliantly wacky performances, led by a fiendishly stupid Hugh Grant, make this film not just a family classic but a film that will be viewed more times than is healthy whenever I’m sad. It’s that perfect.

BOTTOM 5

5. The Predator: How do you take the greatest action movie monster in cinematic history and turn him into a joke? Let Shane Black make a movie in 2018. A film version of a blood clot reaching the brain, stare in grim awe and shock as people mistake “talking really fast” as “clever writing and hilarity”. Jokes fall flat. Emotions are wasted. And can we stop trying to make that annoying Tremblay kid a star? (Here playing, wait for it, an autistic child where autism is a gift and the next step in human evolution. Someone alert the Anti-vax crowd).

4. The Meg: The only reason this isn’t lower is because it had the audacity to take itself seriously. That counts for something in a sick way. I think it’s high time Jason Statham either revisits his career goals or admits that it’s time to go back to square one. Maybe open a pastry shop, something like that. It’s better than sticking his face and name on movie posters for this rotten hunk of floating tuna.

3. The Mule: A tonal disaster. Poor writing. Odd racial humor that isn’t remotely funny. Clint Eastwood, a living bag of bones, involved in not one -but two!- threesomes. One of the worst death scenes ever included in a serious movie. A walking cliche, the only original things about this Hallmark movie is that it has cocaine and is suffering under the delusion that it’s a well-made, well-written, and well-acted collection of celluloid.

2. Skyscraper: For the love of God, someone stop letting the Rock choose his own films. I’ll do anything. Just make it stop. On the other hand, if you ever thought: “I wish Die Hard was terrible and John McClane only had one leg”, then you’re going to love this thing. Just make sure to set up your lobotomy with your preferred surgeon before the viewing.

  1. Strangers: Prey at Night: In an empty theater, laughter was all there was. How much did I dislike this movie? I wrote a 3,000 word review for it. That’s longer than most of my short stories. A travesty on every level, this tripe belongs in a morgue where only the dead need to share space with its obnoxious attempt at quality.